003. Orientation
This is the continuation to the "Time to move on" post. If you haven't read it, click here. One more post and then you will know all the basics about my past since i realized i was gay.
By February 2006 i started looking for boys. I put my eyes on a cute guy named Salem. He was the first person i met when i started college. Everytime i saw him, we had a friendly conversation and he was very nice (and super hot!). I didn't know how to get closer to him the way i wanted. i mean, should i tell him that i know he's gay, i'm gay too, lets go out? or there are rules about it and i had to wait until he came out to me. I know it sounds silly but at that point i only had a few months being 99% sure about my sexuality, and just a few weeks from moving on from my crush with Josh. Plus, i didn't have any gay friend to talk to and i didn't think about the internet.
While i was trying to figure out what to do with Salem, something unexpected happened. I was sitting on a bench taking some notes and out of nowhere the guy next to me said something.
Him: you're cute
I looked at him and smiled for two different reasons. Number one: It was the very first time i hear a guy saying that to me, and number two: He made me feel so silly for over thinking the whole Salem situation.
Me: thank you
Him: do you feel comfortable with me after what i said?
Me: yeah
Him: are you gay too?
Me: ...yes
Alex and I talked for a while and i had a good time with him. Then he asked me if i was busy. We went to his place, talk a little bit more but it was obvious that we were going to do other things. He made the first move and kissed me, i couldn't believe i was finally making out with a guy. One thing lead to another one and suddenly i found myself topping him and enjoying so much my first sexual experience with a guy. After sex we clean up, i put my clothes on, kissed him once more, and went home feeling really good. We became good friends, the kind of friends that have sex from time to time.
A few days later, i went to the mall to buy some stuff i needed for a class project. Salem was there too and i said hi. We spent the rest of the afternoon together, just talking and shopping.
Salem: hey, let's go to the movies
Me: what are we going to do with all this stuff?
Salem: i live across the street
We went to his place to leave all the bags. It was a nice little apartment, his parents used to rent it but gave it to him when he started college in the city.
Me: who is she? (pointing someone in a picture)
Salem: that's my girlfriend
What???? Salem was straight??? I felt so stupid, and even more stupid when i told Alex about it. I never said anything about Salem to him so that's why he never told me he knew Salem wasn't gay. It was obvious to him that i had a really bad "gaydar" (well, to be honest he said i didn't have one). I supposed Salem was gay because i thought we had some kind of connection and i never saw him hang it out with girls.
Alex told me the names of some guys from college he knew were gay and i was surprised. I thought most of them were straight. Specially a guy named Jose, we studied together in high school, he was the capitan of the soccer team. He always talked about girls and hookers, and turns out he had a date with Alex!
Alex then told me about a website/chat where gay people from our age talk and then meet each other. That's how he met most of the guys he told me. Keep in mind that i live in a country were gay people can't be as open as they are in the USA or Canada. He told me it would be a nice place for me to start meeting gay people.
By February 2006 i started looking for boys. I put my eyes on a cute guy named Salem. He was the first person i met when i started college. Everytime i saw him, we had a friendly conversation and he was very nice (and super hot!). I didn't know how to get closer to him the way i wanted. i mean, should i tell him that i know he's gay, i'm gay too, lets go out? or there are rules about it and i had to wait until he came out to me. I know it sounds silly but at that point i only had a few months being 99% sure about my sexuality, and just a few weeks from moving on from my crush with Josh. Plus, i didn't have any gay friend to talk to and i didn't think about the internet.
While i was trying to figure out what to do with Salem, something unexpected happened. I was sitting on a bench taking some notes and out of nowhere the guy next to me said something.
Him: you're cute
I looked at him and smiled for two different reasons. Number one: It was the very first time i hear a guy saying that to me, and number two: He made me feel so silly for over thinking the whole Salem situation.
Me: thank you
Him: do you feel comfortable with me after what i said?
Me: yeah
Him: are you gay too?
Me: ...yes
Alex and I talked for a while and i had a good time with him. Then he asked me if i was busy. We went to his place, talk a little bit more but it was obvious that we were going to do other things. He made the first move and kissed me, i couldn't believe i was finally making out with a guy. One thing lead to another one and suddenly i found myself topping him and enjoying so much my first sexual experience with a guy. After sex we clean up, i put my clothes on, kissed him once more, and went home feeling really good. We became good friends, the kind of friends that have sex from time to time.
A few days later, i went to the mall to buy some stuff i needed for a class project. Salem was there too and i said hi. We spent the rest of the afternoon together, just talking and shopping.
Salem: hey, let's go to the movies
Me: what are we going to do with all this stuff?
Salem: i live across the street
We went to his place to leave all the bags. It was a nice little apartment, his parents used to rent it but gave it to him when he started college in the city.
Me: who is she? (pointing someone in a picture)
Salem: that's my girlfriend
What???? Salem was straight??? I felt so stupid, and even more stupid when i told Alex about it. I never said anything about Salem to him so that's why he never told me he knew Salem wasn't gay. It was obvious to him that i had a really bad "gaydar" (well, to be honest he said i didn't have one). I supposed Salem was gay because i thought we had some kind of connection and i never saw him hang it out with girls.
Alex told me the names of some guys from college he knew were gay and i was surprised. I thought most of them were straight. Specially a guy named Jose, we studied together in high school, he was the capitan of the soccer team. He always talked about girls and hookers, and turns out he had a date with Alex!
Alex then told me about a website/chat where gay people from our age talk and then meet each other. That's how he met most of the guys he told me. Keep in mind that i live in a country were gay people can't be as open as they are in the USA or Canada. He told me it would be a nice place for me to start meeting gay people.
posted by J (Me) at
3:57 PM
3 Comments:
Did you ask Alex why he thought you were gay? He made the first move by saying you were cute; so what made his Gaydar go off when he saw you? Just curious.
This was your first time. Did you feel any guilt or misgivings about it?
I'm happy it seemed to go so well.
By
Gray, at 4:43 AM
He never really said it. His gaydar explanations are very weird to me, he says it something that you feel, like a gut. But he waited until i said something just to be sure if i was gay. I still don't know if someone is gay or not.
I thought i would feel some guilt but it didn't happen. Although i remember i spent that night overthinking everything. But i didn't feel bad about it.
By
J (Me), at 12:49 AM
Well, he was right about the "Gaydar." It is sort of like a "gut instinct." It's still amazes me how some guys just, for lack of a better word, instinctively *know* when another guy is gay. After all of these years, I'm still developing mine.
Next, no guilt? Bravo! I am so happy for you. My next post (which will be up sometime Monday) tells you how I mentally handled the sex in part III). I wish I could have had your encounter instead of the one that I did have.
By
Gray, at 5:36 AM
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